Destructive Mentality

    I began to tell her, “You have to strive for the best. You need to be flawless. You won’t be happy until you’re nothing.”. She beats herself up and tries to listen to the pretty voice. It consumes her and she begins to wonder, “Why am I telling myself this? I wouldn’t say this to anyone, so why do these rules apply to me?”. She is me. I am her. My mindset is fixated on this and others have told me it is stopping me from reaching my fullest potential. I haven’t been able to see that for myself because I am too scared that I will have to let go of a coping skill I have used for so long. The real question I have to ask myself is, “Will you decide to be comfortable in your ignorance? Or, will you go to discover that things beyond the cave are any more real than shadows?” This presents the idea of having a growth mindset. The thoughts I have are a perception of myself that I feel is forever set in stone. However, challenging those beliefs, with Plato’s growth mindset, I will see that a thought is not reality; it is a penetration of reality and I can change that discernment.

“We are often deprived of very useful thoughts because these words are not preempted by other meanings”(Plato). With the knowledge of Plato, we can notice that by asking questions about where these self-limiting beliefs come from, we can develop a deeper understanding of how these thoughts are harmful towards ourselves. I can learn that practicing a growth mindset around my self image will allow me to thrive during the most challenging points of life. Before using myself as an example of how we can use questions to understand a deeper meaning of our own negative beliefs, I would like to preface that there are no bad emotions. None are better than the others. They are just signals to give us more information about how we feel. Now, when I say this belief to myself, how does it make me feel? When I hear the voice in my head saying, “I am not worth anything until I’m skinny,” I feel an overwhelming amount of things but two that stand out are, being inferior to others and disgusted about myself and my body. This brings me anxiety and a heavy heart feeling in my chest. In turn, this makes me emotionally exhausted and does throw off my hunger cues. This doesn’t help at all considering I need to eat but, my anxiety decreases my level of hunger. These emotions again are not bad, but they are not doing me any good. They make me collapse into myself mentally and because of lack of food I am more irritable, fatigued, and high tensioned. The real question is, “without these negative beliefs how would my life be different?”. Looking how much these thoughts affect me everyday, without them, life itself would have a meaning. It would no longer be daily torture or a constant battleground. I would not  be constantly fighting myself over food actions and how I perceive myself in the mirror. Living in this world has taught me I have felt dead, but still alive and not living my happiest. My brain won’t be preoccupied with food all day and I believe I will develop some self-compassion towards myself in that I don’t have to starve for perfection. This type of life is unattainable for anyone. Perfectionism is impacting my physical, mental, and social health. I must come to terms with the idea that I was not solely put on this earth to meet society's unrealistic standards of people. 

I believe that to alter a fixed mindset into growth, you have to ask yourself, “is this belief true?”. For me, logically, and with the points I have proven to myself, no. These negative self beliefs about me are not true, nor do they make up who I am as a human being. But, it is not that simple. Yes, I know these thoughts are not necessarily true, but I cannot just flip a switch and not listen to them. Part of me knows it is wrong, but still believes they are true. This part of me is scared of giving in, losing control, losing a coping mechanism, and scared that giving up this fixed mindset will not be worth it. In actuality, I have just proven to myself it is. That voice in my head will not disappear overnight. It will take effort and perseverance. I know there will be days where I want to and will listen to those self-limiting beliefs, but that does not put me back at square one. It is all about noticing these thoughts and catching them. Recognize that thoughts lead to action. As you begin to differentiate between the two mindsets, take action according to the growth mindset rather than the old fixed mindset. This tool, that can be used, is called the opposite action. When a limiting self-belief pops up, think the opposite. Saying this in your head, may not seem like it does much, but it is. Even if you do not believe the flipped statement, a more positive mindset can reduce stress anxiety and will help continue to practice that growth mindset. For me I am saying, “ I do not have to put the pressure of loving my body on myself right now, but I can be thankful, respectful, and accepting towards it, because my body allows me to do many beautiful things in life. I am worth more than my body.”. I believe that by pushing the shift from body-hate to body-love can feel like an overwhelming and seemingly impossible goal at the moment. Practicing body acceptance, however, allows me to not feel overwhelmed and pressured into body love. If along the way with body acceptance love comes with it, so be it. But, I do not need to start loving my body to make crucial changes to my fixed mindset. We all have our own self-limiting beliefs. But it’s how we challenge that thinking really shapes who we are and allows us to live our lives to our fullest potential. Without the pressures of being perfect.