This is my story about my time with ED. I wanted to share my experience with others to encourage people and help raise awareness for this mental health disorder. My battle started in November of 2019. I had just moved to Wisconsin and had started a new school and dance program. I remember the date, November 1st, I had my first office visit with my new doctor. Everything was fine, it was just as any other appointment would go. Towards the end of my visit, she asked my dad to step out of the room. My doctor then proceeded to tell me," I know its fun in Wisconsin, but slow down on the brats and cheese curds." She continued to say how I was overweight. After that appointment, I never told anyone what she said because it hadn't effected me yet. Fast forward to March of 2020, the coronavirus hit. My school had shut down and my dance studio. There was nothing for me to control in my life because I didn't know what was going to happen next. My mind then starts to drift back to the doctors appointment I had last November. I made a deal with myself I was going to get in better shape. I asked my dad if I could start running with him in the mornings and start eating "healthier foods". This change I had made to my life in the beginning was harmless. I was running 1 mile a day and putting what I thought was "better food" into my body. In about September of 2020, the new school year started. I was a freshman in high school and was now waking up before school and running 2 miles a day. This quickly turned into running 3 miles before school and only eating a banana for breakfast. I had developed unhealthy habits, but convinced myself I still needed to loose weight. Going out to eat started became a struggle because I restricted foods I though were "unhealthy" for me. This goes on till around the holidays. It was Christmas time and I wasn't enjoying myself. Over Christmas break I was still running 3 miles everyday and wasn't eating all the fun holiday goodies. My parents started to notice and become worried. They try to increase what I was eating and take off how many miles I was running and I refused. My parents kept trying this till about my birthday came around in February. I was unhappy at this point and was depressed. I remember my 15th birthday beginning the worst one I have ever had and I don't want to celebrate my birthday anymore because of it. We had finally gone to a new doctor around this time and she was very concerned with how much weight I lost and insisted that I had an eating disorder. My parents and I didn't believe her because I was this kid who used to love food. The doctor told us to increase the amount I was eating, so I did. My parents would make me my breakfast, but then I wouldn't eat lunch. I continued to this for several months. Every time we went back to the doctor I was dropping weight. I proceeded to tell the doctor that something is wrong with me because I was eating so much food and not gaining weight. I had my parents fooled and many doctors. I was lying to myself and them. At this point I had running taken away from me and I had "increased my food intake" but was dropping many pounds in a week. I became deathly skinny. Around my dance Nationals I got told not to dance because I would be putting my life at risk. My blood pressure became so low from being malnourished I had a chance of becoming A fib. I was still lying to everyone saying I was eating food when I would secretly through it away or made it look like I had something. After my nationals, my doctor decided to call an eating disorder treatment center. Their wait list was 2 months long. So I carried on for 2 more months eating only a apple a day and then dinner. I had lost my period and happiness for so long. Finally I got into an intensive outpatient program and proceeded to gain weigh. I was still lying to myself and others saying I just had a fast metabolism and a medical issue. Nobody believed me at this point. I wanted to create this blog to share point about my time during my eating disorder. This is only the run down. I want to share my experience of when I was deep in ED and to my time in IOP. My goal is tell and inspire others about this mental illness.
Intuitive Movement: Before I begin on intuitive movement, to whoever is reading, ask yourself these questions: How would you describe your relationship with intuitive movement? Do I use movement in an unhealthy way because I dislike my appearance? Am I exercising to allow myself to eat food later? Intuitive movement is not something that just applies to people who struggle with eating disorders. In society today, many people are fixated on exercise or exercise goals. The phrase “no pain, no gain” comes to mind when I am talking about this. However, this mindset can be destructive and lead to overexercising, body dysmorphia, disordered eating, and more. The mindset should be focused on trying to find pleasurable movement. Exercising to keep your mind and body healthy does not have to be vigorous or dreadful. If a person likes intense workouts, that's amazing because it works for them. On the other hand, someone should not be working out to punish their body. The entire conc...
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