Reclaiming Joy

 Theodore Roosevelt was not wrong when he said, “Comparison is the thief of joy." Consistently comparing your life with others can blind you to the joys that your own life has to offer. The world has created a culture of comparison that some people don't even know we live in. On social media, we view content from loved ones and/or influencers, and our brains automatically rank their lives compared to ours. For the longest time, I had no idea that my happiness was linked to basing my life on someone else’s. I would participate in the act of comparison without even knowing it. Humans have an innate desire to belong and to be accepted. Social media reinforces this narrative by pushing highlight reels of others that we compare to our behind-the-scenes reel. Likes, comments, and shares can also serve as a measure of validation. Our worth can be measured against these statistics. I am not saying that social media is the root of comparison because humans have done this since the beginning. Humans have weighed the differences between them and other communities, and social media has just expanded on this idea. 

A couple months ago, I did some self-exploration and took a month away from social media. At first, it was difficult because it had just become a habit to go on social media. My fingers took over on my phone, and I didn’t realize how much I automatically went to Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, etc. I had used comparison on platforms as a way to self-destruct. It was not until I took a step back that I saw this. Anytime I already felt low, I would hop on Instagram, and my negative thoughts while scrolling increased greatly. I got nothing out of this. Except feeling worse. Our digital world has created a benchmark where success is measured by beauty and career achievements. Influencers can play a role in this. The content they create can have unrealistic standards for followers. The same thing applies to beauty ideals. There are always new trends happening in aesthetics. Platforms offer appearance-enhancing filters and editing tools that promote a skewed perception of beauty. With such a narrow idea of what beauty is, our society is overshadowing the diversity that beauty truly is. 

I have now realized this also came true to me as a dancer. Being constantly in a state of comparison, I could never celebrate the talents I had. Dance lost its meaning. My heart was gone in dance, and my brain took over control with comparison. At this point in my life, I was never good enough. Somebody was always better than me. People would tell me that I have my own strengths that set me apart. However, I could not see that. To me, yes, I had my own strengths, but other people had them too, and possibly better. So why did it matter if I had them if they weren't the best? With Mr. Comparison in my head, he became great friends with Ed (my eating disorder voice). Because my dancing skills weren't “good enough,” I didn’t deserve to eat, and I had to practice extra. Most days, dance would get done at 9:30 p.m..  I remember the week of competition. I would spend an extra hour in the studio after being there since 3 p.m. In hindsight, with little nourishment in my system, this made me worn out and overworked. I was not living life or enjoying dance. 

My thoughts made me believe that if I wasn’t the best, then I was the absolute worst. This promoted major black-and-white thinking. During competition, I was more on edge than ever and would isolate myself. I never went to team bonding. I did not want to face food at the events or miss out on training or rest time. I was a freshman in high school. Dance should be fun and used as a form of self-expression. Instead, Mr. Comparison and Ed tore me down. Since I am now recovering and a dance teacher, I look back at my solos and think, "Wow, I was good!" I wish I had celebrated that as a freshman and had confidence with dancing, because comparison truly stole my joy. 

Be mindful. That has been at the root of everything I do lately, especially while scrolling on social media. Be aware of how your brain reacts to certain content. If certain pages make you feel down, stop following them. Do a deep clean of the accounts you follow on social media. Create a feed so that when you scroll, you feel love, happiness, inspiration, content, etc. Mute the accidents that allow Mr. Comparisons to creep heavily back into your head. If that seems like too much, that is absolutely okay. Another boundary I’ve set with social media is having an intention for its use. Before I hop online, I will tell myself affirmations in some way. For instance, one day I might say, “I’m using Instagram today to feel connected to family and friends” or “I am using Instagram to feel inspired." I do this because there are great things that the internet has allowed us to do, but sometimes it's to compare our lives to someone else's. Lasly, I have turned off my like count. Your worth and my worth are not, nor will they ever be, determined by how many likes we get on social media. Next time you feel yourself “doom scrolling,” try these tricks and, of course, always have positive self-talk. 

Positive self-talk can be really difficult, especially when it comes to sports. For me in dance, I felt as if it was something I could never do. I believed if I said positive things about myself, I would become conceited and stop working hard. Another example of black-and-white thinking. One of my therapists suggested this next tip, and I try to share it with dancers all the time. Replace negative thoughts with affirmations. Recognize that there were negative thoughts and find a positive one to combat them. Training your brain to do this is not something that just comes overnight. It takes practice, but I promise it is worth it. 

For any dancers reading this, stay present. Focus on things you can and can’t control. You can control how you prep before going on stage, but you cannot control the judges opinion at the end of the night. Keep self-compassion in your heart during hard times. Remember that everybody has unique strengths and weaknesses. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would a best friend of yours. 

My final advice for anyone is to lean on people. Find your one support person or your group of support people. Letting someone know how you're feeling about a situation can help more than you know. Be open to all things. Asking for help demonstrates strength. It is never a weakness. When you reach out, it shows you have self-awareness, a growth mindset, humility, and resilience. In a world that is constantly pushing us to measure our worth against others, choose to avoid comparison as an act of self-love. Let's commit to lifting ourselves and others up, recognizing we are all on different journeys that are equally valuable. I believe that one day we can create a world that is more compassionate and thrives on everyone being themselves.