A Dancer's Struggle

  I had never been so nervous or afraid, but soon I would find out I was surrounded by the best people. In August of 2021, I started intensive outpatient treatment at Evolve Healing. Evolve is an eating disorder treatment center. My first “technical” day was meeting with my treatment team and evaluating what kind of care I would be getting. This check in process typically takes most of the day and your parent or guardian is with you. Also on this day I wasn’t allowed to see any  of the other patients I would be in treatment with. The following day, August 5th, was my first official day of treatment. Since I was in IOP my day started at 3pm. I would walk in and check myself into the front desk and fill out a paper everyday that asked how I was feeling. Next, I would meet the PHP kids in the dining hall for afternoon snack. I remember not knowing what snack I was going to be given on the first day, or if I even had any say in it. This created some anxiety for me, because I wasn’t able to

  I was in the middle of my daily mile long walk when I got a call. Little did I know this call would have been the one to save my life. It was the summer time, and I hadn’t admitted to having an eating disorder. My parents and doctors put me on a 3,000 calorie diet. They were confused as to why I hadn’t gained a pound. I wasn’t though. I was pretending to eat, throwing away my food when they weren’t looking, and over exercising . At this point, I was at my lowest weight ever and lowest point in my life. My family medicine doctor back in May had suggested a treatment program for eating disorders. I told her no because, “I didn’t have an eating disorder”. She had told me, “I am putting you on the waitlist because I am scared for you. You are dying”. Fast forward a month later it was the week leading up to my dance nationals. The treatment center had called my parents saying there was a spot open for me starting on Monday. If I didn’t take the spot, they would give my place to someone el